Loss

On July 28, 2015 I lost my mother. Then I left my job, my home, my friends, my beloved Roanoke and moved back to my childhood home to care for my profoundly mentally disabled brother. I know in my bones that it is the right thing to do and I have a sense of peace about it. However, the losses are felt more deeply every day.

Dan had to stay behind. He will be letting go of his house to move here with me. He has been a rock for me and I miss him so much.

It is very lonely here. If not for Tony's homemaker, who just happens to be my cousin, I would have had a very difficult time figuring things out. I am so grateful for her.

In time I will make friends, I know, and perhaps reconnect with old friends and family but for now I feel very alone.

I've never suffered a loss as devastating as the loss of my beautiful mother. I have never felt this kind of grief. I keep having to google to make sure that what I'm feeling is normal. It's so physical. I'm exhausted.

I know one day I will have an easier time. I hope to share those times here. Perhaps this will help someone else who will be going through a mourning period.